Some words of encouragement

So the past few days I've been afk from my blog, as well as from my facebook to think about some personal decisions I needed to make in my life. I've done a lot of things in my life, but I rarely admit that I am wrong, so please relish in this moment as I admit this: I have been totally wrong about myself.

Let me explain. All my life I have always thought I'm too fat, I'm not pretty, I'm not smart enough, or I'm not talented enough. All of that has always held me back from doing what I've wanted to do. I always wanted to be the pretty girl through out my life, unafraid of judgment from others, and unafraid to do anything. I've never been like that though because I have held myself back. It's time to make some changes. I am going to better myself and be honest with myself now, right here, and  share with you all why I'm amazing, and what I hope to be.

No matter what people saw, how they look at me, or what I even think, I am beautiful. 2 weeks ago, I weighed 340lbs and I hated myself for it. That's right, I am willing to admit it. I have lost 15 lbs since then and now weigh 325lbs and feel amazing. It's shocking what a 15lb difference can do for you. My favorite t-shirt gets me harrassed:

Proof that I am a dork, but this was taken about 2 months ago. I'm wearing my fav Shirt that says: It's okay Pluto, I'm not a planet either

The shirt in the picture above and I love it. I'll be honest, I may or may not have at least one drink in my system in this pic, and Yes that is a lime a my mouth. (If this picture doesn't prove I'm a dork... the following ones will.) Now... here's some of me back when I was smaller, and a lot more confident in myself:

In highschool, I was a pagent girl. I ran for Miss Kingston 2 years. I never placed but I was determined to show that girls of any size should be allowed to run, because big is beautiful too. I was proud of who I was, I was determined to show the world that I could easily take on whatever they wanted to say and brush it off.

I could be a dork, wear something like this, and people just said "Oh, that's Markie... she's a spazz" and people loved me for it. I can say one thing with certainty... I have spunk, I have an award-winning personality, and I am damn proud of it.

I hammed it up for the camera, but I always acted like this. I was crazy, I jumped over chairs in school, I made funny faces in almost every picture taken of me, I photo-bombed people before it was cool, I made jokes about myself because I didn't care, I sang in the hallways at school at the top of my lungs and didn't care when people told me to shut up.

I had friends that made me signs like this one. I would hold them up and act like a dork and have photos taken just because I loved being in front of a camera. I always put on a smile, act like a dork and enjoy myself in front of a camera. I was a tomboy, and it never bothered me to be a girl at the same time.

When it came time to put on a dress, I cleaned up well though. I love this picture. We were doing a masquerade ball, and I went all out. I got my hair done up, got this beautiful pink dress, and made my own mask for it as well. I went out, and had the time of my life. In this picture, I was a size 16... I am now a Size 24/26 and working on getting back down to a 16. I can say that without a doubt, I am amazingly beautiful in this photo. This is what I want to be, and what I am on the inside. I'm that dorky, awkward, photo-bombing, joke-making, beautiful woman somewhere, and I'm just working on digging her out.

Over the past 2 months... I have met some amazing women that have empowered me. I'm about to tell you why

#1-- Carolyn Setina

It may be on old picture of her, but this girl has some moxie. She's beautiful, she's funny, and she is inspiring. Her blog is geared towards inspiring women and letting them know it's okay to be who you are, no matter what others say. She shows me on a daily basis now that I should be proud of who and what I am, and I'm going to do that. Thanks to her, after I've lost more of my weight and I am more comfortable with myself, I will be joining the Suicide Girls and indulging in some tasteful, semi-nudes of my own.

#2- Elizabeth Chrisjansen

She is a photographer, and slowly but surely becoming someone I look up to in that field. Her blog is a mish mash of things, but shows her talent as a photographer, and I want to be like her in that field someday. I'm working on it but it will take some time. You also have to love the pink hair.

#3 Amanda Moline

Amanda is so sweet and an amazing mom. She has a daughter and a son that are both preemies, and both have disabilities. She loves them unconditionally, and would give them the world if she could box it up and put a bow on it. Her blog documents her life with them, the frustrations and hardships of being a mom of two children with disabilities, and gives reviews on various products and brands. Once I have children, if I am half as dedicated as Amanda, I will be happy.

#4 Heather Frost

She's beautiful, unique and wonderful. She's a lesbian, proud of it, and unashamed to admit to it. I love her to death, and would kill for her hair. Really I would do anything to have hair like hers, I miss mine being long terribly, and seeing her photos reminds me why I'm not cutting it. Also, her go-get-em attitude she gives off makes me think of why I am trying to better myself. Love this girl <3

#5 Ashley Blankenship

Ashley is there for me when I need her, she's always willing to listen to me rant about the stupid boys I live with, and she reminds me of how it's not always about me. She thinks of others first but can stand on her own two feet and defend herself when needed. I love that quality in her, and I want to take it from her.

All of these women are amazing in their own unique way. If I could bottle up their strengths and sell them, I'd be a millionaire. I love them and hope they are going to where they want to be in their lives because God only knows, they deserve it.

My reason for writing all of this: My intention for this blog was to be about beauty tips, tricks, and products. The most important one is realizing you are beautiful. If you don't think you are beautiful, inside and out, then you will never be happy with yourself, and no matter what I write, it won't help you. If you take anything from this blog, take this piece of advice: Love yourself, because you are beautiful as you are, and any tips and tricks I give you, will only enhance what you already are. A beautiful, amazing, and independent woman.


Comment below with who inspires you... I would love to know